Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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