Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
