He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
