True but thats because hes a fetus.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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