i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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