tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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