its not stalking. its research.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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