somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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