I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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