I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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