If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
