So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
third nipple confirmed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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