That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
