So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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