afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
