Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
