If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
