someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
