enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
