is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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