I'm gonna have a badass scar
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
