I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
no, he came in my armpit
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
