i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
