dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize