New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize