Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
