My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
