2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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