I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
