You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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