I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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