Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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