Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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