Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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