thus making me awesome and them whores
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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