3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
