i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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