So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
