I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
