It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
