Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My first STD was from a foam party
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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