I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
