It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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