I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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