Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
