Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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