i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bring me that man meat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
