It's Friday. Sex?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
