I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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