just tell him i said nine months
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
