I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
