Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
