I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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