So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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