I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
