why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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