Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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