i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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