**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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