Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
