Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
