evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think your dad took our porno
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
