just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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