I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
