That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Are we still banned from the library?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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