Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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