Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
