I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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