never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
