I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
