Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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