if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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