Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
