so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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