i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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