Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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