Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
