So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
