And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize