Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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