Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
