I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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