you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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