is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
