it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
