dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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