my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
