somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hippo gnu deer
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
